My Mom and I have had over the years a rather checkered relationship, part of it was being number 3 of 5 children (I always thought of myself as piggy in the middle), my only brother was number 4 and could do no wrong. Part of it was being born in the early 1950's, part of it was the Vietnam war, part of it was wanting to be an Engineer, being a hippy and being very different to my Mom's idea of what a women should be.

My Mom and I haven't always seen I to eye, yet we've always remained firm friends, she doesn't understand me and my independence, still doesn't understand that I deal with things without asking for advice.  Yet as the years have gone on I've noticed a shift in her perception of me.  

After Dad died six years after my husband had died, I opened my eyes to my Mom's reality, she had never made a decision without consultation with my Dad, if he vetoed it that was that.  She had lived in 5 houses since her marriage and Dad's death and never seen or had any imput into a new home, just accepted that it was a fact that she would be moving again.


Mom is going to have to move at least once more, she will be 89 in February and is no longer capable of living alone, she has to move in with me, I've made a number of changes in my life to accommodate my Mom being here, I no longer have a tenant or a weekly income from rent, I've opened up my house again and it is all one living space.


I spent at least 3 days a week with Mom at here place organizing meals, cooking meals etc, I'm her full time carer but she lives an hour away.  January is the day set down for moving date, yet she will not acknowledge this.



from the lady that "downsized to a bigger house" 

To leave a comment, please sign in with
or or

Comments (13)

  1. noahbody

    Good luck to you both. God bless you for taking care of mom.

    November 25, 2016
    1. sharnsgarden

      Tony I’ve been looking after Mom for about the last 10 years, (10 years ago my Dad had a heart attack and stroke and it all fell to me to keep the fires burning in there house. I cannot and will not walk away from the responsibility of looking after my Mom. I’ve promised her I’ll never put her in a Nursing home to be looked after by strangers who do no really care.

      November 29, 2016
      1. noahbody

        Good for you. I am proud of you. That is a tough choice to make but so worth it.

        November 29, 2016
  2. elmo194855

    ^ What noahbody said: God bless you. You are a special daughter. You’ve got your work cut out for you! I suspect you can handle it!

    November 26, 2016
    1. sharnsgarden

      Elmo194855 moving Mom into here is far more preferable than the current situation, she’s only actually an hour away by car, but life has become exceedingly difficult for her. I have managed to find a really good doctor here that is willing to look after her, which was one of the biggest hurdles to her moving, 32 years in the same house is also another big, big hurdle. I’ve spent so much time trying to thin out the crap that was never thrown out which I cannot accommodate here.
      Mom’s actually ready to move and wants to move but the shear volume of 88 years of life defeats her.
      So in a way I have to bully her asking if she’ll ever use this again etc, etc.
      Mom’s active and very mobile, she’ll enjoy living here, once I finally get her here.

      November 29, 2016
      1. elmo194855

        I’m sure she is ready for a change. My advice: she has to sleep sometime. Make executive decisions and thin out like a crazy woman!

        November 30, 2016
        1. sharnsgarden

          been doing that

          December 16, 2016
  3. 4lorac

    ya know, I wasn’t the middle child, hence the 4lorac. but emotionally I was, the 3 olders couldn’t be bothered, and the youngest( to me by only 2 years…makes her 61 to my 63)..well, she had kids and a job, I always wondered what the heck I had, toads, and a hobby? when my folks were still alive, it was my mom that controlled everything, she did the banking, groceries, house, management of all the kids(5 of us) When she got too ill to do any of this(congestive heart failure) I had to take over, I’m talking raising my own toads(they were in highschool) going to my hobby, making sure the folks were fed and medicated, house clean, laundry, (I also had to do this for my own home also) I found out my dad didnt even know how to shop, had no concept of what food cost, or how to make a meal…..all he was capable of was toast and oatmeal. My dad, because her medical issues weren’t obvious to him, as in visible like a sore, didnt believe there was anything wrong with her. My dad, I believe there was a bit of dementia going on there, he could get real men real fast….
    As much as I loved them, there were days I was very resentful, but I chose to remember what they were instead of what they had become..(old children, in need of supervision and love) They are both gone, have been for over a decade…and I have never spoken to any of the sibs…they had it in their minds I had stolen the house(I bought it fair market value) so their medical bills were paid, not to mention their funerals….
    Sharn, what it amounts to is the changing of the guards, the child becomes the parent. Just keep your eyes and heart open, you have faced worse, and I am always here……

    November 27, 2016
    1. sharnsgarden

      Carol you speak such words of wisdom. When Mom moves here and it is organized for late January, Mom’s house will be put up for Auction (if any of the siblings want the house they have to bid in an open market) I don’t want to move where Mom lives, the infrastructure is not geared for the aged, yet that area has one of the biggest aged populations as it was a and is a great place to retire, until you get old and ill.
      Mom has coped with the help of myself and 1 older sister since Dad died, yet she has 4 daughters and a son who just come and visit and walk away. It’s been up to me for about 7 years now and I intend to make her final years one’s that I can think back on and say “I did my best”.

      November 29, 2016
  4. Dream_On

    God Bless you, Sharn. You are indeed blessed to have your mother still with you. Had my mother lived, she would be 85. I’m sure your mother will be ever so grateful to be with you in your lovely home. I took care of my mother throughout her battle with cancer and she has been gone now for over 14 years…. can’t believe it’s been that long. I was at my strongest during that time and miss her every day. You are an amazing woman and have the strength within I only wish I still had.

    November 29, 2016
    1. sharnsgarden

      I had to bring her here this week she had a medical procedure that I knew she couldn’t cope with alone, I went and stayed and the next day she said Sharn this sounds dreadful but I need to not be alone, I had already readied her room for the stay and just packed her up and brought her here, the first couple of days she was very disorientated but she’s settled down and we are enjoying (especially her) being here.

      December 16, 2016
  5. This comment has been deleted
  6. This comment has been deleted
  7. This comment has been deleted
  8. jettlogan

    I just love my mom like the other people and this post is a really sweet post. We enjoy so many websites and is one of those very coolest websites these days. And i like to read these beautiful things about my mom.

    January 29, 2017
  9. samuelbrady

    The word mom is used for mothers it is a very special word to express your feeling toward your mother. To have a mom is a great blessing by God essay writing service it is the most beautiful relation on this earth. I can say that I have world best mother I can share each and everything with her she gives me advice at every step of my life.

    February 15, 2017